At a time of loss, people express sympathy for friends and loved ones in a variety of ways. Attending the wake or memorial, sending a personal note, making a hot meal for the family, helping with child care, contributing to an appropriate charity, or even just a personal call can mean so much. Of course, one sympathy tradition that has been a part of nearly every culture throughout history is flowers. Research shows that flowers increase feelings of compassion and happiness, and people feel less depressed and anxious around flowers. Grieving families and funeral experts alike would agree that a wide variety of heartfelt expressions, including flowers, can all help soften the sorrow.
Yet, at the suggestion of well-meaning friends or advisors, families sometimes include a phrase in obituary announcements which seems to discourage one of the most popular forms of expressing one's deepest condolences. The phrase is "In lieu of flowers ..." Normally, this phrase is not meant to restrict friends and loved ones from sending flowers if they wish but rather to let them know that the family would also be happy to receive a donation to charity in memory of their loved one.
Flowers not only brighten and warm a funeral or memorial service, they are also a visible outpouring of support that has a positive impact on the emotional well-being of bereaved. So, while floral professionals support charitable giving and all other forms of expressing one's sympathy, they also believe flowers should not be discouraged.
After all, flowers are life exemplified.
